Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
