that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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