Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
her vagine was all disorganized.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You have to summon your inner elephant
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
