I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
two words: eviction party
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
