i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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