also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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