At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
