i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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