just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
