Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
