glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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