put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
