so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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