i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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