Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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