my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
