Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
