It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
