There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
