she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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