I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
