I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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