Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
How external is "for external use only"?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
