a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
