I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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