he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
