I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
