I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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