I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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