and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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