did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
