Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
