Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
did i just pee glitter
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
