I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
