Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
