oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
