I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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