Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
