my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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