Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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