She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
