i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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