he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
