Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Fuck appropriateness.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
