3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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