so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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