he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
