Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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