think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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