Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
